Getting Strong Now | Year 3 – Week 9, 10, 11 & 12
Hello world! Wow I cannot believe 4 weeks have passed since I last posted. It has been a crazy 4 weeks of work and this being my first day off in 28 days, I am just now coming up for air. I swear I have worked more in the last 4 weeks than all of last year (not really but it sure does feel that way).
Goodness, ok let’s talk about what has been going on. First off, my work project is going well. Of course we are always behind schedule and that is stressful but I love the work and I love what I get to create. This job has really allowed my creativity to bloom and now that I am stepping into a leadership role, a whole new something is started. I don’t really know how to classify it but it’s a new challenge and I am enjoying trying to make the puzzle pieces fit. It does come with its own set of stressors and the work hours being one of them but I am excited to see this project come to completion and know that I helped make it a reality.
Other than work, I have been sleeping 😂. Not even joking that I have been working 12-16 hour days and literally falling into bed the other hours. I have noticed that I tend to fixate on things now more than I did when Sean was here. Like working. I fixate on continuing to work and I never stop. I guess having someone say “take a break” really makes a difference in your life. I know I need to find a balance and I am still learning how to do that. I tend to focus on one thing these days and then everything else falls to the waste side. Things like cleaning the house and taking care of myself are not priorities when I am fixated on working this much. I won’t even mention YouTube stuff because I haven’t been able to touch any video yet with my computer chugging away at animations. The feeling that I need to clone myself is one that I feel every single day.
With all of this work I will say that I am exhausted. I don’t mind working but it is taking its toll. I was so thankful to have this weekend off. I have spent it scrubbing my house from top to bottom. I know you are probably thinking I should have rested this weekend but it was nice to do something physical and not stare at a screen of any kind. (By the way, holy soreness. I can barely move off the sofa after scrubbing and climbing ladders and everything in between these past 2 days. If anyone says house work is not physical, they are lying…..or I’m just old 😂)
So yeah, that’s where I have been for the past 4 weeks. Sorry I have been a bit MIA. I am doing well emotionally (physically I feel like my body is falling apart but that’s a whole “I’m almost 45 and that’s what happens when you sit at a computer all day” conversation, lol). I haven’t been crying as much about Sean. Work is a good distraction for that. I do have moments when the pain is raw and unbearable but those moments are less and less as the days roll by. I am doing really great with living by myself but I want to preface this with this fact, I have mostly been in my house and I haven’t been socializing around people. I don’t want to say that I am isolating myself but probably from the outside, it looks like I am isolating. I have gone into the office a few times and that was nice to be around people but mostly I have been by myself. So I have become accustomed to this solo lifestyle. That is all about to change in a few weeks when I will have some friends staying with me and then I will be off to Hawaii for a once and a lifetime trip for my birthday. That’s gonna be a whole lot of “people time” and I am interested to see how my brain reacts when it’s all over. I always hope for the best with these things and I feel stronger emotionally than I have since Sean died, but who knows what will happen. If the lows come, I will be ready and push my way through them.
So enough about me, how are you doing? I haven’t checked in for 4 weeks so I hope you are doing ok. I hope you had a nice March. If it wasn’t the greatest month, put it behind you and look forward to what is coming in this new month. If you don’t have anything planned, try to plan one thing that will make you happy and don’t be afraid to do that one thing by yourself. You can do this! Here’s to a great April. Here’s to 30 days of finding a little bit of joy in a sea of uncertainty. We can do this and we can do this together.
All my love to you all!
(This week’s song is a light hearted song but I have seriously been thinking about that Rocky moment when he reaches the top of those steps and dances. Only 2 weeks left and I will be having my own Rocky moment and leaping for joy that we made it to the finish line with this project. Bring on the dance!)