This week the Disney Fantasy starts sailing the Pixar Day at Sea cruises. It’s still so crazy to me that I was part of this project. Actually I find it crazy that I am on any project with Disney because Sean was the one that set all of this up and is allowing me to provide for myself. Sean introduced me to Disney and I am forever grateful for the opportunity to work with some truly amazing people. I smile with every illustration and animation that I create because Sean is in every project I do. He truly watches over everything I do day and night. I would not be doing any of this without him.

Work – Goals:

This week I have been thinking a lot about work. Thinking about where I want to go and thinking about how I get there. I don’t have the how I get there part worked out yet but I do have a few ideas of where I want to go. First and most important thing, I want to keep my job. There are some contract things happening that I won’t get into but it is very stressful. My job is not stable and that weighs on my mind. I think I do a good job but sometimes office bureaucracy gets in the way and you don’t have any control over what happens. But if I keep my job, I really want to move up into more leadership roles. I love creating art and I love animating but I also love leadership. I love being the one to bring an idea from concept to reality. I’m a big problem solver person and being able to figure out how to accomplish something is exciting to me.

Work – Things to Do To Achieve Goals:

I have already started taking on more responsibilities at work. I was able to have the opportunity to be an Associate Producer on the Disney Fantasy and I loved it so I want to keep that ball rolling as long as I can. I still can’t believe that I work for Disney. You better believe that I thank Sean every night for introducing me to this great group of people. Without Sean doing that, I don’t know where I would be today.

Travel – Goals:

I’m not sure what is going to happen with travel this year. If you missed the post from Week 1, I talked about finally looking toward the future this year. I haven’t done that since Sean was diagnosed back in 2020. I will say year two was a bit destructive on my bank account. The only thing I really cared about in year two was not feeling pain. Traveling numbed the pain for me and allowed me to feel close to Sean but traveling is not free. Last year I think I looked at my bank account 3 times. That was it. I just didn’t think about money and I didn’t think about needing money for the future because there was no future in my mind.

Well, now there is a future and my bank account says, pull back the reins if you wanna keep heading towards that future and not be living out on the street. So now I am being more responsible with money. I don’t have two incomes any longer so trips will have to be scaled back for now while I build back up our YouTube presence. YouTube use to pay for most of our travel and it will again but for now I have to put plans on hold.

The biggest thing I had to cancel was my big Iceland trip for Sean’s birthday. The trip was going to be three times as expensive as any other cruise I have been on in a while so I had to pause that one. It was really heartbreaking to me to cancel because this was actually the 1st cruise I booked after Sean died. At that time, I thought a cruise in 2023 would be the first one I would go on. I cried when I canceled this cruise but then snapped out of it because I realized, even though it was sad that I wouldn’t be sailing on this cruise, I was starting to take my future into account with finances. I know it sounds silly but looking towards a future is a huge step in the grief journey. I was really happy with myself with that thought. I know Iceland isn’t going anywhere and I will get there one day.

This Weeks Thoughts:

I am really happy to be documenting these weeks as they come. I really don’t know what this year holds for me but I want to be able to look back and say to myself “look how far you have come” (even if it’s only 2 steps forward). I am happy with myself that I have future goals. I am proud of myself for keeping this positive momentum going. I know not every week will be positive but I will hang on to the ones that are and use them to help me get through some of the rougher patches. Like this week’s song says, “there’s no mountain too great. Hear the words and have faith”. Every day is a baby step towards a future and Sean will always be right beside me on the entire journey.