I can’t believe it’s already the third week of the year. I swear the months are flying by these days. I blink and it’s already almost February. This week was a productive one. With the help of a good friend, I have started the procedure to see if anyone wants to buy the products that Sean and I created for our company Rampant Design. I have not been able to wrap my head around selling anything of Sean’s and Rampant is his baby. I have been wondering what to do with Rampant ever since Sean died but I could never think about it without crying.

My feelings towards this sale changed when I saw our effects being used on a stage show on the Virgin ship and I was seeing our effects everywhere on winter show promos on tv. Every time I see an effect, it’s like Sean is winking at me. From that, I knew I needed to try to keep Sean’s legacy alive so I can keep seeing those little winks every time I watch tv. So that has started. I don’t know if anything will come of it but at least I started the process. Another great step in healing and pushing toward the future. It’s small but it’s something

This goes into “what have you done with Sean’s stuff?” Well, not much. I did pack up all his clothes in our closet. I did that in the middle of Year 2 sometime. I bought a bunch of plastic crates on Amazon and I just did it. I cried as I folded every piece of clothing. It felt like I was burying him with every piece I slowly folded. I was so surprised that I instantly remembered every memory of Sean in each outfit. The brain is such a funny thing. Things I would never think I would remember are suddenly so clear. Like they happened yesterday.

After I packed everything away and placed all the crates in the back room, I felt a release. Not a release that I finally did another thing to forget Sean but a release that this was another step forward. It hurt like hell but it was forward momentum.

I am feeling that same momentum with starting the procedure to sell Rampant. It hurts like hell to know that Sean’s baby could be taken away but I know it is time to do this. Again, not sure if it will go anywhere but to me, it’s the acknowledgment that I am ready to move forward with this and that is a huge step in my healing.

Back to Work

Work is finally starting to pick back up from the holiday break. I am excited for the projects that are coming up. Some unique opportunities and the possibility of some leadership roles as well. Another step forward. I really never knew how much I loved working until it was gone last month. Well maybe “love” is the wrong word. More like I really knew how much working helps my soul on a daily basis. I am very blessed that I get to do a job that I love. I draw for a living and that’s like the coolest thing ever. Honestly, the coolest thing ever.

Upcoming Travel

In 2 weeks I will be boarding the brand new Celebrity Beyond and I am so excited. Excited for many reasons. First, I will be back on the ocean again. Like I mentioned in Week 1, I feel so close to Sean when I am out at sea. The love, the happiness, the joy…I can feel it all around me and I soak in every minute. I am also excited to be sailing with Ben & David again (if you don’t know who they are – https://www.youtube.com/@Cruisewith). I love cruising with them. We always have so much fun together. They have become family and I am blessed to have them in my life. I can’t wait to see what shenanigans we get into. There is always something. And last, I am excited that I will actually be on this sailing. Last month was a tough one and in my lowered state of mind, I wanted to cancel this cruise. It didn’t matter that I would have lost every dime for the cruise (no refunds for cruises this close), I just didn’t think I should feel happiness. The negative thoughts were overwhelming and pushing through took everything in my power. Sitting here now, I am so glad I did not cancel. I am looking forward to being back and looking forward to sailing on this new ship.

This Week’s Thoughts

I can’t believe that I am finally starting to let go of some of Sean’s things. If you would have asked me 2 years ago, I would have said I would never be at this place but here I am. It is a big milestone in this grief journey and one that I am embracing with smiles and pride. It is a small step but a large step in this grief journey. If you are going through any kind of grief, I hope you are able to smile just a little bit this week if you were able to move forward, even if it was just a tiny little step. A step may be small to some but in this journey, those are giant leaps and you should be very proud of yourself. And in case nobody told you today, you’re special!