Walking on My Own | Year 3 – Week 7
This week had the biggest mix of ups and downs for me, which let’s be honest, is how most weeks go for everyone. But this week for me has been equal parts exciting with equal parts sadness. The exciting part came from a unique travel offer that I will talk about later. (let me just say, it’s going to be an epic adventure). But that excitement didn’t last long when I received the news that a good friend passed away from cancer. Hearing this news took me out at the knees. I cried almost the entire day but I didn’t cry for me, I cried for the loss that his wife and children will have to endure. I found myself sobbing uncontrollably because I know the pain they are going through. All of us in this “loss club”, a club that no one wants to be part of, understand that pain and it hurts to know that they are hurting. I struggled through the day but found myself talking to Sean a lot as well. Talking through the tears about all the times we had together as friends. All the laughs that we shared. I was sharing this huge loss with Sean and I could feel him all around me, giving me comfort.
It’s weird being on this side of loss. The side where you understand the pain, you understand the procedures and you understand the fallout. Sean was my first death so I had no idea what to expect when everything happened. I wasn’t prepared for any of it but now sitting here 2 years later, I realize I am a whole different person. Not in personality or anything like that but in knowledge. I have learned so much about myself these past 2 years. Some good things. Some not so good things. But things I never would have known about myself without the loss of Sean. And that’s why I say it’s weird on this side of loss. You see things so different after losing someone. I’m not sure if that even makes sense but when I woke up the day after learning about our friend, I looked around and thought to myself, life really is short. None of us know when our time here will come to an end so we have to live everyday like it is our last. No I don’t mean, go out and spend every dime that you have but find a little thing each day that is your own. For me, I spent the evening playing, brushing and snuggling our kitties. Our three little fluff balls give me so much love and affection and sometimes life gets in the way where I don’t give them enough of my love. Today I made that time with each of them so they know how much they are loved by me. I made that moment my own and I will try to do that more often.
Work – Goals:
Despite having a really low day with the news of our friend, I am proud of myself this week for taking on another leadership role with work. This one is going to be a challenge but I am ready to take that challenge head on. I know I won’t get everything right but I want to try do a great job in this role.
I say this a lot but I still can’t believe I do what I do. Most days it doesn’t seem real. Every project I get is like a new puzzle that I love to unravel. We make some cool stuff and I learn new things everyday working with a group of very talented people. Crossing my fingers that this lead role will go well.
I have been having trouble this week keeping myself on task because of severe exhaustion. I’m sure it’s hormonal but I have been exhausted to the point where I almost fell asleep at my computer while I was drawing. It’s just one of those weeks I guess but this tiredness is stopping me from progressing on youtube content. I got off the Celebrity Beyond 2 weeks ago and I still haven’t been able to edit any content from the previous cruises. I want to but my body is letting me down. And does anyone else have their brain start yelling at you that you aren’t doing enough? Because mine sure does. My brain runs on over drive telling me that being tired is just an excuse. Snap out of it, stop being lazy and get back to work. Unfortunately, as we all know, it doesn’t work that way. My brain may be yelling at me but my body is like sorry not sorry you need to stop.
Next week is my last week of 2 project days. I don’t mind doing 2 projects but add in the YouTube content and 🤯. I know there is no schedule for YouTube and the pressure is all self-imposed but I do feel like I let myself down a lot. I also know that I shouldn’t put that pressure on myself but I really can’t help it. I want to do get everything done but sometimes I just can’t. And you know what…..that’s ok!
This Week’s Thoughts:
I know I am not the only one who feels like they are failing when things don’t get accomplished. We all take on to much. We overextend ourselves. So when our bodies say enough is enough, it is time to take a break. So let’s together turn off that nagging brain that says we are failing because we didn’t get things finished today and instead focus on what we did finish. For me, I am proud of myself for the 2 projects I am currently involved in with work. Yes, 2 projects means I can’t get to YouTube content right now but my jobs bring in guaranteed income and that’s a huge win for me. So YouTube, you’re going to have to wait a week before we get back to our regularly scheduled programming. It’s ok! (and it’s ok for you to put something up on the shelf for later as well. There are only so many hours in the day and we have to pick and choose how to spend those hours. Let’s try to stop stressing about every little thing. It’s going to be all right 😊)